self-portrait (I tried to leave you on the plane)

instead i had a new friend look at my energies and take all that was left calcified on my diaphragm and kidneys with six shudders and a weird sort of smile.

where do all the birds go to die

i wonder. all the urban critters really. it's not too often i glance down a montreal alleyway to see a bloated raccoon belly up between the garbage and recycling. where are they all hiding?

i had a lot of thoughts on death on my 15 hour train ride to croatia a couple of days ago. there's been more death around me then ever before recently...how can i help to not think about it so much? what an absurd response to life. but i've decided not to write about it anymore. maybe another time. 

in other news. i wanted to clarify the rather flippant europe-is-so-europe comment. what i meant was, traveling europe on a budget is so traveling europe on a budget. a hostel in any city could be the same one somewhere else. same people as far as you can see, really. and once you've used up all your friendly european resources and have started to regret your methods of traveling (unplanned and random, limited opportunities to couchsurf) you are stuck with second rate hostels and people trying to get you on pub crawls. all the time. i would move to berlin or budapest but please, no more hostels. 

going to a wine and brine

yes, pickled cheese is available as a side dish to your pilsner urquell in the Czech Republic. and it is delicious.

liz you sure are hilarious and i wish you the best of luck with all your upcoming food endeavors. note: i probably am a liar with regards to toronto. second note: may live in sweet loft in montreal. won't that be a nice place to stay when you visit me? sub-second note: how sweet would it be if i transfered my skills to aux vivres?
i could whip up some vegelox for us when you stay with me. eh? eh? aux vivres miso gravy might trump fresh's if i may say so. if i may.

third note: i am ready to stop being in europe. it is so europe, you know what i mean? i am tired of defending and undefending canada, dispelling myths and all of that, taunted by americans with regards my accent, too many 18 year olds, etc. etc.
4th: going to croatia should be fun though. will avoid hills and all hidden land mines present.
5th: may pick berries on the west side of our-home-on-native-land for august + septemberish...any one looking for work? come with!
6th: swimming in confusing sentiment most of the time, i am. will anything ever straighten out. i sure wonder.

i've seen so much nathalie djurberg this summer.

change of title

doing this today

rotozaza's: etiquette


carpe noctem

the beautiful blue danube

budapest

...

i am a fool! in heightened emotional states it would probably be beneficial for me to not attempt to do things like public writing. parce que

1. i wrote robert hopper? what the f. clearly meant edward.
2. i am not singing harmonies with john k.'s wife, i'm just getting old
3. obviously the doppler effect follows you around. you can't run away from physics. what i meant is that i've become really aware of it and it somehow keeps coming up in conversation and dreams.
4. fuck the big dipper. it's everywhere.

out of breath or out of key

...i've been thinking about this post for maybe weeks but i just got some news that has sort of dampened my spirits - tied a stone to my heart and placed a water trough for elephants on my chest - so i'm not sure it will be quite as i planned, but i have 16 minutes to kill on this computer so this seems as good at time as any. better than most actually, given the fact that i'm actually on a computer.

there are some things that seem to be following me through all of this moving around. here's a small list:
- Edward Hopper
- the Doppler effect
- the ''space-time problem''
- the Big Dipper (this is not a new discovery)

there are others, but that will do for now. things just keep connecting themselves to others - i keep being surprised to find something i thought i just left behind in one place, right in front of me in another. maybe 16 minutes isn't very much time to get into all of this. last night some mancunian boy actually had the GALL to ask me, ''hey, what's your favourite thing?'' my favourite thing?? what a ridiculous question. well, i know but it really couldn't sound more new age or cliche. but it's definitely experience. i've just realized i'm addicted to every second like espresso. it's like i'm rubbing up against every moment, not like it's the last, but just for what it is exactly. i saw john k. samson in copenhagen - he's getting older and singing the harmonies for benediction with his wife now, which means i probably am too. and feeling all of these things for not the first time isn't disappointing, it makes me smile so hard and feel completely comfortable regardless of my situation in situ or transit. and we're dying we're dying we're dying, but it seems okay when you're living 100% life and not moments past or plans to come.

can't get this straight right now. everything the day's too small to hold seems like it might currently be residing just behind my hears or something.
oh well!
kiss my nose
and crack my toes
it's worth a try
to ignore my ennui

************